Why would you give money to women?

„Today, we are trying to find out how a woman can be successful and strong. How can she find fulfilment? But it may be easier to say what they should avoid: Do not believe that women have to constantly compete with men. Do not believe that every waking moment of our lives should be spent with comparing ourselves to men, and that we should work in at least the same position, and for at least the same pay they do,” Katalin Novák, Hungary's Minister for the Families explained today.

Finally a sane, sober voice, I exclaimed as I nearly spat my home-made, sugar-free elderberry drink on my monitor in surprise. How the heart-shaped gingerbread hell should women even think about making the same money with the same work as men?

Aren't we, like, way tinyer? More economical to run? Our upkeep is way smaller.

We occupy a smaller space, a tiny little bed in a tiny little room of a tiny little house will do for me perfectly well, thank you very much. Our clothes take up less material. And let's not even get into nutrition: We hardly need to spend on food. A lettuce leaf here, an apple there, how does that measure up to the half a farm animal a man has to devour each day in order to maintain his majestic masculinity? Lest not we forget the bottle of hard liquor, either. Ok, every now and then, some of us still whine about being hungry, but all I can say to them is that they may need to rethink their dietary choices. Who would want a fat woman? Right?

And why would anyone in their right minds put money into our frivolous little hands? If we desire anything beyond our daily lettuce and our tiny little beds in our tiny little houses, we have generous husbands to take care of us. Sadly, sometimes we cannot get that through our thick, stubborn little heads, not even I, who received the advice of a lifetime from one of my former bosses who, drunk at a Christmas party, forced me into a corner of a bathroom and groped me. Not long after that, I had to negotiate my salary with him.

He told me I don't need a raise.

I need to marry well.